I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
