thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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