so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
