Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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