just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
