Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
