i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
