I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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