what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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