I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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