After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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