yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
