I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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