just come out here and I will go home with you...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize