He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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