I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
