Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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