Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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