He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
