matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
