someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
