I just threw up on my dentist
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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