the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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