smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
