YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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