glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
