I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ttyl tear gas
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
