Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
