im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
