I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were trust falling into bushes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
is it fun? or sober?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
