Don't make out with my wife yet
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
