I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize