Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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