I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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