Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
