guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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