I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
