Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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