singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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