i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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