I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
