If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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