nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize