Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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