youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
