just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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