You really coming over, don't trick.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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