her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Randomize
