Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
