so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm passing your future prison.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
