Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do herpes really smell.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize