Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
