No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
