if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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