Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
