i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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