dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I just sharted jello shots
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