I am puke
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
