She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
