I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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