My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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