What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
