I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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