She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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