omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
